It’s currently pouring.

Listen while you read!

You know how the old saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” And currently it is pouring. It all started a few weeks ago… right about the time I quit showing up here with messages of light and love.

My doctor called. And they never call to just chat or ask you where you got that fab-u-lous Kors bag you carried to your appointment. No. They call to dampen spirits, rain on parades, and maybe sometimes to try and save your life. So it happened, I got the call, I made new appointments, I discussed options, and I slept. A lot. At all the wrong times.

Which was actually perfect because I happened to be awake at 3 in the morning when I got the other dreaded call. My dear and sweet grandmother had a stroke. And even though she is getting up there in age and she is not in the best health, it is still so sad and so heartbreaking. Saying goodbye is one of the most difficult tasks we are presented with in life. No matter how many times we face goodbye, it is never any less difficult than the first.

I am not so good at goodbye. My grandmother was the very first person in my life to show me kindness and love without expectation. She was the first person to say to me, “Come here sweet child. You are safe here. I will love and protect you.” And she did just that. She never left me, she never used me, she never hurt me. She did exactly as she promised. In a world that has shown so much darkness, she was always a light and I will never forget that. I will never let it be said that she was anything other than good and truth. I will honor her as long as I can, as often as I can because people like her, so good, don’t come along very often. When we are blessed to know them and to have them know us and we recognize one another with love in our hearts, we don’t have to lose that just because we have said goodbye. 

Of course I could use this space to urge you to go see someone you love and reconnect with them. To send an email or pick up the phone. But you already know that. So I will share a quick story with you instead:

“We used to spend our Summers at my grandmother’s farm in West Virginia. These are some of the best memories I have. Where most of my childhood was shrouded by hurt, chaos, and unimaginable situations… my time with my grandmother was everything good in the world. So every Summer when it was time to head back to Columbus, as you can imagine, saying goodbye was tough. So my grandmother would always tell us, “Now whenever you start missing me real bad and you find yourself wanting to come back here to the farm you just take your fingers and wrap them around your thumb and you close your eyes and pretend that’s me giving you a big ole hug. And when I am missing you, I will do the same.” 

We drove a little under three hours and made it to the hospital just after midnight. As I made my way into her room and to her side I leaned over and kissed her cheek and said, “Grandma, it’s Sara. I came a long way to see you. I’ll be right here beside you whenever you decide you want to wake up and visit.” She started fidgeting with her left hand and reaching out so I placed my hand in her tiny fragile hand. She felt my hand from my pinkie all the way to my thumb and then worked diligently to wrap her fingers around my thumb and squeeze it tight. Just as I began to weep and explain what she was doing to the others in the room, she let go of my thumb and she again went to work fidgeting with her fingers. She found my hand again and spent the next 30-seconds shaping my fingers and wrapping them around her thumb. Because of her stroke, she was not awake but I knew she could hear me. These were not the “reflex movements” the doctor described to us. What a selfless and kind woman. In her own moments of helplessness she gave me exactly what I needed in that moment to know that things were okay. And that is the legacy she will leave behind.”

Today, with this post, I honor my wonderful grandmother. It is women like her who have inspired me to be a better woman and with me her spirit lives on in amazing ways that I will share with my own daughters. Her light will forever shine. ❤